i taste you on my lips and i can’t get rid of you
so i say damn your kiss and the awful things you do
we fell in love like children in toy stores.
replacing “want” with “need” as if it made it less selfish.
i’m sorry i loved you selfishly.
i’m sorry for coming home and curling up beside you expecting you to heal me.
i’m sorry for burrowing myself in your bones and demanding it to be home.
i haven’t seen you in 18 days.
i’ve almost forgotten 17 times how your tongue feels in my mouth,
so to remind myself, i kiss strangers at the bar.
i’ve smoked 16 cigarettes in the past 15 days,
each one scribbled with empty apologies written in ballpoint pen.
i wrote you 14 letters but only sent 13 because you always said i reminded you of an odd number.
i called you and left 12 voicemails,
11 of them are filled with 10 ‘i love you’s and the last one with nothing but 9 seconds of stillness.
i’ve bleached my sheets 8 times in the past 7 days to get rid of that night,
but i still feel you frequent them.
last night i slept on the floor.
i reached for you 6 times in my sleep and 5 when i was conscious.
i woke up at 4am from the shipwreck in my ribcage that i tried to dig out 3 times now.
i made two cups of coffee and watched for 1 hour as yours turned cold.
my mouth is bloody with “what if” and you’re not here.
you’re not here and all i can think about is how you should be.
Accept the fact that they are gone.
Stop hoping that he’ll love you again.
Stop praying that she’ll show up outside of your door in tears just waiting to be embraced.
They live right across town but they’re thousands of miles away from your heart and you’re lightyears away from their mind.
Let them go.